Escape

Escape

I can’t take it much longer I say as tears fall down my eyes

Everyone sees my tears but don’t hear my silent cries

Where can I escape to

A place where I can have peace of mind

Somewhere I know I won’t be found

A place where I don’t suffer from harsh words and fierce blows

A place no one would suspect 

A place no one knows

Peaceful silent without a sound

Someone please help me escape the torment

Feelings of abuse kept inside

Thoughts of running away no longer can I hide

And the one person whom I can trust

Has an escape for all of us

For us the ones who try to escape life, love, abuse, hate

And has a plan for those who look and do not see

The pain deep down inside of me

I can’t take it much longer I say 

As tears roll down my eyes

They see the tears but do not hear the cries

If I could have one wish

I would wish to escape

And live life like I’m supposed to live it

Happy, joyful, comfortable bliss 

Now you know how me and others feel

And how everyday we love this terrifying nightmare

Please believe us. Be aware

8/3/03

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.

I wrote this poem when I was 13. I’m 27 now.

For 14 years I battled with and overcame suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety. I’m now at the point where I no longer battle with these thoughts, have to take meds for the panic attacks, or suffer from constant depression.

Please understand that everyone fights their battle differently. What worked for me may or may not work for you. 

I first identified all and I do mean all my triggers. People. Places. Things. I wrote them down. I grieved them. They had become an intricate part of who and what I didn’t want to become. After all the tears were gone, I then began to surround myself with positivity, laughter, peace, love and adventure until it overflowed. These are all of the things that I strive to pour into others daily. 

There is no “typical look” for a person suffering from mental illness. We tend to have the biggest smiles. Biggest hearts. Be the biggest givers. While being the biggest pretenders. Everyday we fight to avoid going back into those dark spaces.

If you or someone you know is suffering from suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety or any mental illness, help is available. You are NOT weak. You are NOT alone. And most importantly your story is not over; 

If no one else loves you, I do

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273- TALK (8255)