Nappily Ever After

Finally. A movie for us. This film detailed the common struggle amongst many African-American women- our hair.

It all began here for most of us. As I wrote this, I heard the jingle in my head and I think back to when the boxes came with the cassette tapes.

 

I can also still smell my hair being burned with hot combs and those Gold-N-Hot curling irons with NO heat protection.

 

 

NOT heat protection!

 

 

EXTRA CRISPY HAIR PLEASE

 

I thoroughly enjoyed the way that this movie was broken down into the stages of our hair journeys.

 

Straightened

I had quite a few questions for Violet.

 

Girl! Why didn’t you open the box first? If you were going to be nosey, why did you half ass it?

 

Since when do we get our hair straightened straightened and don’t immediately wrap it or throw on the bonnet?

 

 

Especially when we know we are going to lay down…….

 

Especially when we know sex is on the menu.

 

I can even admit that when my hair is straightened, there’s a certain boost in my confidence. Hell, I sometimes take on a totally different personality. It isn’t because the straight hair is “better.” It’s because I know how misleading my afro can be with the shrinkage. Not to mention, people treat me differently when my hair is straight compared to when I rock the fro. It’s pretty unfortunate that society has conditioned us to believe that our fros ain’t poppin and that straight haired people deserve more respect. See what I did there?

 

Violet went just a little too far disrespecting Zoe about her afro. In the real world, she’d probably have a well whooped ass in the salon. But again, this is just a film.

 

Even as an adult, I still hear folks (especially older women) making comments about my afro. It’s unfortunate. Fortunately for them, I put no one on a pedestal. When addressed by older women, that whole “respect your elders” narrative goes out the window. I’m going to tell you about yourself.

 

 

Weave

 

See what I mean. She hyped herself up for no reason. Clint seemed to be genuinely confused about an engagement but I fully understand his perspective. Many times we as women (and men as well) put on the best versions of ourselves in relationships. He admitted to not knowing the real her. However, both of them are responsible for that. Transparency is hard but necessary. It’s easy to watch Issa and Lawrence on Insecure but how easy is it for us to admit to ourselves that we are just as fucked up as they are?

 

 

Blonde

 

Chile. Violet was doing the absolute MOST. Falling in the club. Pouring ALL of that honey on that man. Showing up at the hospital. What in the whole hell?

 

Umm. Clint also made a very valid point. She asked him to leave. He did. Ladies, can we start meaning what we say and saying what we mean? Mmk.

 

The scene that I loved the most was when she shaved her hair off. I actually cried the second time watching it. I’ve been there, but sober.

 

Bald

 

I can honestly say that I never knew liberation until I shaved all of my hair off.  Both times.

 

Left: 2011

Right: 2013

My confidence was on a whole nother level.

 

I learned to be a queen without the “crown of glory”

– me

 

Ya know, people say the darndest things when you’re bald. Yes a ton of people said that I was a lesbian (because all lesbians are bald right?). I got all of the Amber Rose references. All the bald headed scallywag jokes. Who cares? I was happy. I was healthy. I did something that others wouldn’t dare even if their lives depended on it.

 

Violet’s mom Pauletta was irritating. But then again, every character that Lynn Whittfield plays is. A Thin Line Between Love and Hate. Greenleaf. She pissed me ALL the way off in Madea’s Family Reunion. The woman is a phenomenal actress!

 

I was happy about the bond that Violet and Zoe formed during the movie. In my opinion, Zoe was actually the catalyst that helped Violet accept herself. I saw the relationship between Violet and Will building from a mile away. She wasn’t ready for a guy like Will. I was annoyed that she took Clint back so willy nilly. Clint made all that fuss about Violet being a perfectionist and then had the audacity to ask for the perfection back.

 

That’s that bullshit.

 

Y’all know how I felt about Violet quitting her job. I was screaming at the TV. Yassssssss sis! Quit that job!

 

In the end, Violet finally found freedom and happiness within herself and she lived nappily ever after.

 

The end.

She’s Gotta Have It All pt 1

Sorry gang. It’s too soon for me to blog about Black Panther. Not only is it too soon but I’ve only seen it once and it would be super unfair for me to even blog without having read the comic. But rest assured that it’s coming.

Raise your hand if you identify with Nola Darling. If you didn’t like the series DON’T READ THIS BLOG. If you slut shame other women DON’T READ THIS BLOG. Keep all of that energy over there. This is for us. Spike. You got me with this one. Oh yeah, and if you slut shame your friends, FIND NEW FRIENDS.

I finally stopped binge watching this show every weekend since it dropped. Initially I had said that I wasn’t going to blog about it. It’s just so good that I thought a discussion (like I hosted for Insecure) would do it more justice. Well. Too late now. I’m here.

I had no idea where I wanted to begin giving my two cents (that nobody asked for) about She’s Gotta Have It. There is so much that Spike did with the show all at once from the music to the imagery. I wanted to approach it by giving a generic overview. Then I wanted to analyze it by the characters. I decided that I was overthinking it and that it would be easier to give my thoughts on each episode just not all at once. I’m all over the place so bear with me as I try to summarize my thoughts.

Too often as single women, we are policed on how to be single. Be single but don’t go on too many dates. Be single but don’t have a lot of sex. You’re too picky, that’s why you’re single. Who gives a damn? Let people be. This is why people hide who they are and why they’re afraid to share their truths.

Nola lives the life that many goody two shoes girls dream to live without judgement, regret or consequence. The ones that binge on She’s Gotta Have It instead of boycotting it because it goes against all of their morals and values. We see you girl. It’s cool. When you’re ready to be free, the tribe will embrace you with open arms. K?

But let me get off my soap box.

Episode 1: DaJumpoff (Doctrine)

I love how Spike introduced each of the characters and their connections to Nola. Let’s get on Jamie. The way Jamie adores her had me looking at the TV like damn sir, aren’t you married?

In life, God doesn’t give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need…..and Nola is my need…..

Baby! I had to rewind it too! Had me wondering what the hell he’d say about his wife. *crickets

But the sex…….good Lord! Taking lunch breaks to smash, bringing gifts, writing poetry. What wife?

I’ll make no apologies when I say that I love how unintentionally corny Mars is. And how super attentive he is to Nola outside of the sex.

I’ve had a Greer before. Ugh. They’re exhausting. I think that narcissism is an understatement. But I can see how and why Nola keeps him around. He lays great pipe and is good for entertainment. Sound familiar?

Oh yeah and Nola definitely broke the roommate code and girl code by sleeping with Mars. Don’t get it twisted. I don’t know of any circles where this is cool, do you?

All the men know about each other. And they ask about each other. Cake. Ice cream. Eat them both.

Nola’s encounter with the stranger on the street while walking home is exactly what happens when little boys don’t get their way or unwanted attention. All of a sudden she was a “bitch” after she didn’t acknowledge him trying to “holla” at her. I have a whole blog about that coming soon called Plenty of Fish in the Sea. I’m just glad that she channeled that negative energy into creating the “My Name Isn’t” campaign.

Episode 2: BootyFull (Self-Acceptance)

Shamekka. Shamekka. Shamekka. I understand. I do. One minute, folks are saying “if you don’t like something, change it.” Then in the next minute folks are telling you “love yourself as you are and don’t change anything.” I get it. Hell, I’m even guilty. However, I think that we all can agree that if you’re going to do so, go to a real doctor hun.

Gentrification is happening. Has been happening. And isn’t slowing down any time soon. This is the one time when “no doesn’t mean no” doesn’t seem to apply. Isn’t it also ironic that the people that occupy these gentrified spaces expect to be welcomed with open arms by the locals?

Clorinda is one of those women that police other women and it bothers me. Girl, get the hell on!

Episode 3: LBD (Little Black Dress)

Therapy. Yes Lord. I’m here for it. All of it! You should be as well!

                Men need to grow up. If they can’t deal with me in a little black dress, then fuckem

I felt that in my spirit! How about men control themselves? Or is that too much to ask for? Of course it is.

Jamie would have been donkey of the day for taking Nola to a local place where he could possibly be recognized by people that either one of them knew. Sidechick handbook page 48 would have told Nola to make sure that this rule was adhered to. Amateurs (there will not be a blog on why I know these things, just know I know).

Greer and that damn camera. I wished that Nola would have just cut his conceited ass off. His personality is just too overwhelming.

Again in this episode, Mars gets all my love. He is the only guy trying to figure out who Onyx is and also the only guy that prays for Nola.

Episode 4: LuvisLuv (Sexuality is Fluid)

The cleanse. Social media. Weed. Alcohol. Men. I’m with it. But she definitely cheated with Opal. I don’t think yall understand how important it is to go on that kind of cleanse. Often. Sometimes we don’t understand how these habits can foster negative energy.

Did y’all peep that Greer didn’t even acknowledge Opal when she and Nola ran into him? What an ass! Just throw the entire man in the trash.

Now I’m not gonna lie, I questioned Nola’s work ethic in this episode. Not only do you show up sixteen minutes late, but without lesson plans. C’mon sis. You’re a whole teacher! Clearly Ms. Raqueletta Moss doesn’t play those games.

Episode 5: 4 My Negus and my Bishes (All Words…..)

First of all, Nola broke the cleanse when she told on herself. She sparked a blunt after Opal cut her off. Then the rest of the cleanse went in the trash. The menfolk got the green light to come back into the lovin bed. The first guy she brings back is Jamie. And she calls him Mars. Lawd have mercy! We all knew that this day would come, just not so soon.

                This is your hood rat genes coming out in my Virgil

I’ve never wanted to slap someone so much in my life. I’m just going to leave it at that. I have nothing else nice to say. The video was quite a bit much but she threw the blame in the wrong direction. Clearly this kid didn’t learn this in their uppity ass household. Another thing that bothered me was that the school saw no issue with the video. I don’t know what world they lived in but it wasn’t realistic. AT ALL.

This episode serves as a reminder to pay attention to people that you are charging with your care. I’m not going to go to a dermatologist with terrible skin. Nor am I going to go to a dentist with bad teeth. Makes sense right? So I don’t know why the hell Shamekka would not only go to an unlicensed butt specialist inside a hotel room with a butt that looks like two of the largest balloons at Party City. Just why? To be given Hydrocodone as anesthesia. I think this is where common sense went out the window. I’m not sure what was worse, this part or the abortion Macy Gray botched in For Colored Girls. Sorry Shamekka, but you brought all that screaming and hollering on yourself.

Ms. Raqueletta Moss’ story that she told was heartfelt. She meant well but Nola still didn’t understand. Now I don’t know what she saw in Nola but hey, we can’t deny that she connects with the students.

Ok kids. That’s the end of the first half of season one. See ya next week for the second half.