If You Think You’re Lonely Now

It’s happening again.

You texted him.

You looked at the text thread.

Bubbles.

He’s responding.

Or so you thought.

And now, here it is five hours later.

Still no response.

Your mind’s wandering. What happened? You go back to reread the last message sent. Was it something you said? Grammatical error? Too long? Corny? What was it? Why hasn’t he responded yet. Why does this keep happening?

Yeah that was me a few weeks ago. Just a tad bit delirious but nothing too major right? Bothered. Freaking out.

OVER

A

DAMN

TEXT

MESSAGE.

Who? What? When? Where? How did I get to this point?

I was “worried” about a person that clearly wasn’t worried about me.

The desperation was real and I knew that the only person that could help me pull my shit together……was me.

So what did I do?

I pulled up…….to Michaels.

I walked down the bead aisle and I picked out all of the colors that caught my eye. I checked out with about $50 worth of beads and cording. I went home. I sat at my desk and decided that I didn’t want to be waiting anymore. For anyone to think about me. For a text message. For anyone to see my value.

I made bracelets and posted them online for sale and walked away from my phone. What started out as a creative outlet to get me out of my feelings revamped an old business venture that I had veered away from. Another stream of income.

In 2018, after quitting my job I started making bracelets and waist beads for money. I had a few folks that purchased them. But business wasn’t consistent enough and I eventually put my crafting talents away.

The thing is, it wasn’t the right time to pursue those talents. That’s just how the universe works.

I needed to be lonely. Desperate even. At that present moment. At that present time. To have those feelings that led me back to crafting, so that I wouldn’t be “distracted.”

Ponder upon the distractions in your life. What else could you be doing if you were focused? Could you start the business that you’ve been dreaming about? Could you read the book that’s been on the coffee table? Could you devote more time to accomplishing your goals?

I encourage you to think about those creative pursuits that you’ve set aside. Neglected. Abandoned even. Creativity is a healthy outlet and lately I’ve been finding that the more frustrated that I get with things in my life, the more creative I get.

And since the end of 2019, business for me has been booming. These bracelets, waist beads and now bookmarks have been taking me to some pretty dope places and I foresee them taking me even further in 2020.

So, if you think you’re lonely now, wait until you discover what the universe is trying to show you.

 

Broken Instrument: Album Review

This album is the happiest thing that I’ve heard all week. All the petty guns were drawn out and pointed in my direction. I had a complete meltdown and had to pull all of my shit together and quickly. Music has and forever will be my go to.

So I go to iTunes on Friday hunting for new artists just to, perhaps discover new music that hasn’t hit the mainstream crowd yet. And that’s how I discovered the artist Victory.

Let’s start with the album art! I was sold!

But when I actually downloaded that album!!!!!!!!!

You know I had to give my two cents on some of my favs.

Against the Wind

This song made me want to get up from my desk, walk to my car, roll all the windows down and just drive…….without stopping……to the beach. I literally visualized it!

Everyday I’m moving on upwards

But there’s still so much ground I’ve not covered

I can’t see the top from here

But I know that I can’t stop before I make it there

This verse served as a reminder that throughout my current frustrations, I’ve got to keep on going. Experiencing your journey and trusting your process is so difficult but necessary. And that’s even with words of encouragement.

Weatherman

I have no idea why my cry baby ass listened to this song at my desk first. I lost it. Right there at the desk. The song was so positive man.

The first chorus goes

You’ve gotta learn how to shine

Cause the days get cold and dark sometimes

And you’re gonna need the sun to survive

And if that didn’t hit home, another verse did.

I wear a smile that’s fake cause I’m too proud to cry

Pretend the weather’s great cause it’s easier to lie

I felt that on a spiritual level!

And if it couldn’t get any better, she took it to yet another level with

I’ve gotta learn how to shine

Cause I don’t know when the storm will pass by

Or by then if I’ll even have a sound mind

This just gave me further confirmation that one of my affirmations is properly aligned with what my spirit needs. That affirmation is: I am my own light in dark spaces.

Broken Instrument

Initially I wondered why Broken Instrument is featured three times on the album but I fully understand why.

Part one begins the story of a used and broken instrument that finds itself in the landfill. It reflects on its life of performance prior to being broken and discarded. The instrument has high hopes of getting back to an instrument maker to be repaired.

If miracles are real

I’d like a way out of this landfill

But there’s no hope that I can see

There’s no answer to the plate that I repeat

Part two is a conversation that the instrument has with itself about the depression, despair and hopelessness that it feels.

In part three, the instrument is found by what it thinks is a “bum” but it turns out to be an instrument maker that it’s longed for. The maker sees the value and beauty still left within the instrument and takes it from the landfill and fixes it up.

So let my sound forever be a testament

Of how the maker can restore value to the life of a broken instrument

That by far was one of the most impactful lyrics that I’ve ever heard. No bullshit. It’s likely because I connected to it way more than I probably should have. At times I’ve felt like that very instrument. The moral that I got from the story was that the condition of the instrument never changes it’s purpose.