Damn Near Vegan…….

Yes.

My former chittlins and pig feet eatin ass is vegetarian. Damn near vegan but still struggling with cheese.

I’m on the cusp of my three month mark of missing bacon.

Growing up in Townsville, NC, I was raised on chicken, fish, rabbit, squirrel, opossum, pig feet and stankin ass (all pun intended) chittlins. All of it. You name it, we ate it. Super Southern. Smothered in gravy. Doused in Texas Pete Hot Sauce. Paired with cabbage cooked with ham and string beans. Saying no to food wasn’t an option. It was a high level of disrespect especially since I wasn’t contributing to the groceries NOR was I “big enough” to tell anybody what I wasn’t going to eat.

Despite the diet that was accustomed to as a kid well into adolescence, I’ve always maintained a very petite frame. The “biggest” I’ve ever been was a size 13 and the smallest I’ve ever been has been a 00 in high school.

I’m currently struggling to hang tight to my size 6 Levis without them trying to fall off the bone (get it? Fall off the bone? Nevermind).

My diet had been pretty much the same my entire life except for the three months that I went pescatarian. That was fun yet short lived. At the time it worked because I was kickboxing and it helped me get my abs faster. When I stopped kickboxing, I went right back to Cajun chicken trays and fried pork chops.

But then it all changed.

I moved to Texas.

Not just Texas.

HOT ASS TEXAS.

DRY HEAT ASS TEXAS.

Things were cool during the beginning of spring when I arrived and then it started getting hot. Not only did it get hot. It got hot right when COVID caused me to lose my full time job.

I decided to become an Instacart shopper, in said heat. If you’re not familiar with Instacart, it’s a grocery delivery service that allows someone to shop for your groceries for you and have them delivered to your door.

This coupled with my diet and Texas heat proved disastrous. I’d notice that I always felt sluggish no matter how much water I drank. No matter how many naps I took. NO matter how much sleep I’d gotten the night before. My body still wasn’t adjusting properly. And I ain’t like that. I just couldn’t maintain the energy levels that I needed to Instacart.

Naturally for me, when I feel like my body is off balance, the first thing that I evaluate is my diet. In my mind, everything physical stems from there. I considered going back pescatarian or limiting myself to chicken and fish. But then when so many of the employees at Tyson Foods started testing positive for COVID, I knew that meat NOR seafood was going to be an option.

The true icing on the cake was shopping for Instacart. I saw countless customers buying pounds of meat- raw, cooked, processed, soda, candy, junk food………just all kinds of shit. It started making me sick to my stomach because it was so much of it EVERY FUCKING DAY. Many repeat customers. I could count on one hand how many meatless deliveries I had or even deliveries that included fresh fruit and veggies at one point.

Talk about a weird way to fully and abruptly change up a diet right?

May 2, 2020 was the last time that I had meat. I went all out because I knew how serious I was…..THIS TIME. I ordered curried goat, steamed cabbage, red beans and rice from a nice Jamaican spot.

Since then, I can definitely smell meat from outer space. I accidentally had mashed cauliflower that had bacon in it (on accident) and some string beans that I had been prepared with ham. It ripped me an entire new asshole.

My body has never felt better. I have more energy. No more sluggish days despite the 100+ degree weather. No more catnaps. I sleep better at night. My concentration is A1 and my anxiety and depression are super manageable. Going out hasn’t limited my ability to go out to eat either as more vegan/vegetarian options are becoming available on menus.

It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t add fuel to the fire. Not only did I cut out the meats, but I started doing research with the support of a few Facebook friends pointing me in the right direction (thanks Demetria).

The more I learn, the more I’m appalled, disgusted, angry and sad. The information has been overwhelming at times and at other times it’s been very encouraging. At this point, I’m trying to convince as many people as possible (especially black folks) to GET OFF DA MEATS! I’ve never met so many black vegans and vegetarians before in my entire life! It keeps me energized to continue educating people of the benefits of embracing a plant-based diet, so much that I’m actually going into plant-based education and advocacy work!

For many, it should take COVID or a doctor’s death sentence for change (although there’s a  90% chance that it will). There’s so much shit happening with our foods that we aren’t even aware of. The transition into a plant-based lifestyle inspired me to analyze how our food affects our wellness- mentally and physically especially in low socioeconomic black communities. I have ideas for launching plant-based education initiatives and even maybe launching a non-profit. Who knows? One thing I know for sure is that many unhealthy eating habits and patters have been passed down from generation to generation and my goal is to stop them as much as I can. Toxic perspectives about clean eating have also been passed down from generation to generation, and I plan to help stop that too. Plant-based diets aren’t just a “white people thing.” Hell, it’s not even a healthy people thing. It’s a simply a more conscious decision. Oh and don’t get me started on how embracing a plant-based diet is a direct approach to fighting systemic racism! That’s a different convo for a different post!

If you’re interested on learning more about weaning yourself off of DA MEATS, feel free to reach out. If you’ve transitioned and did a bit of backsliding, START OVER AS MANY TIMES AS YOU NEED TO BUT NEVER GIVE UP. Then, tell me how you feel.

Untitled 4/27/20

What if I told you that today, I spent the bulk of the afternoon crying in my car in a park? Like boo hoo. Snot running. Struggling to breathe bawling. A lot of folks I know probably wouldn’t believe it and even more would likely be upset that didn’t reach out to talk to them. The thing is…..I needed to cry today. I needed to fall apart. I needed to RELEASE.

Everything kinda hit at once (with the assistance of my period of course) and I lost my shit.

I started my day off like normal. Instacarting. Batches were trickling in but few and far between. For lunch I had street tacos from a food truck and I sat in the parking lot eating and people watching. A norm for me.

Then I started getting into my own head again. I started thinking about being 30. Living with my sister and brother in law. Not having yet gotten my own apartment since being in Texas. Not getting the full time job that I was really gunning for. Not being able to get Milo from NC right now. COVID19 fucking up all of my plans. The list continues.

Just all of the things that I’m not able to do. I started feeling helpless. The sure fire sign that I am on the brink of going into a state of depression.

I had a complete meltdown.

I let all of my frustrations and fears fall from my eyes. I screamed. I cursed. I prayed. I begged.

And you know what I noticed after I did all of that?

Nothing in the park stopped because I had a meltdown.

Folks were still getting their miles in. Smiling. Laughing. Kids still played on the playground (a separate COVID convo to be had).

NOBODY NOTICED. There was no one to ask what was wrong. NOBODY GAVE A DAMN.

So I started laughing.

Here I am. Having an entire pity party.

Alone.

Expecting the world to stop.

The world won’t stop because I’m sad. Because things aren’t going according to plan. Hell, it still hasn’t stopped for COVID.

I had a day. A moment. Cool. But how many more days can I afford to fall apart like this? None.

I got out the car. Went to a table and started reading.

If you look hard enough, you’ll find clues on what to do next.

Two clues came to me today.

The first was a quote from the book I’m reading Think Unbroken by Michael Anthony.

If you win the day, then you win the week.

If you win the week, then you win the month.

If you win the month, then you win the year.

Think Unbroken, Michael Anthony

I decided to change the working to be more proactive for me. I jotted it down on a sticky note to put over my bed.

The second thing that came was a shift in my mindset from a very interesting place.

I saw a man at the park. He was flying a kite. From a fishing rod.

It was actually flying and he looked like the happiest man in the world.

Who said he had to ONLY fly a kite from the string it came with?

Who said that you had to ONLY fish with a fishing rod?

NO DAMN BODY.

I was reminded to think outside the box. I can make up my own rules if the “rules” that I’m attempting to follow aren’t working for me.

I was reminded to think bigger. Perhaps what I need right now isn’t coming to me because what I think I need is too small.

I quickly pulled my shit together and left the park.

Empowered.

Children of Blood and Bone

Initially I didn’t want to read this book.

Not because it’s not one of thee most magical books I’ve ever read.

Not because it was 525 pages.

Not because of its name.

I didn’t want to read this book…..well…..because everyone else was reading it.

Super simple. Rather dumb. But I didn’t want everyone ruining the book for me.

This book was the last book that I purchased in store at Barnes and Noble before they close their doors because of COVID-19. I could not have been prepared for the life changing experience that took place between the covers of this book.

This year has been all about personal accountability and this book continued to provide it for me. I began seeing bits and pieces of myself in each of the main characters.

In Zelie, I saw my fears constantly haunting my thoughts and sorrow in my memories. Forgiveness that I owed to myself for not being stronger than I was. I saw my doubts in my ability to lead because of my past. I felt Zelie’s frustration as she struggled with knowing how powerful her gifts were. How draining it was physically when she used them to get her closer to restoring magic in Orisha.

Zelie’s doubt in her strengths reminded me of my own. I still struggle with it sometimes. The imposter syndrome. Other people see and believe in them, but most days for whatever reason, I tend to focus on my weaknesses. Even after bringing magic back (not quite the way she intended), she focused on all fo the things that went wrong. That she failed to accomplish such as protecting Baba. her focus remained on everything she didn’t do along the journey without giving herself credit for the bravery it took to begin the journey.

Tzain reminded me of how strong I always felt the need to be since I’m the oldest sibling. It’s an unspoken responsibility. We aren’t expected to show weakness. We should always lead by example. We have to figure everything out first. The eldest are the protectors. Sometimes that backfires. This happened when Zelie had her first experiences in love with Inan. Sometimes we are forced to sit on the sidelines to allow them to experience life. No matter how much we try to forewarn them. They are bound to make mistakes. I was right there as Tzain gave up the fight and watched Inan break Zelie’s heart. It was even painful to read. But when Zelie needed his reassurance and support, Tzain was right there.

We are all children of blood and bone.

All instruments of vengeance and virtue.

Children of Blood and Bone, Tomi Adeyemi

Through Inan I remembered how hard I fought to maintain my religious upbringing even when I no longer identified with it. Knowing that what you were taught no longer makes sense but still feeling the guilty need to honor it as a sign of loyalty and respect. Inan resented his magic based on the fear that he was taught. I was afraid of my spiritual path because of my upbringing. For the longest I rejected the supernatural things that kept happened to me. Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to question anything religious. I wanted to be able to question why I could ask questions but was never bold or brave enough to stand up to my folks.  Saran taught Inan and Amari to hate magic. I was raised to believe that people that didn’t go to church couldn’t prosper in life. Those views didnt change until I started meeting people that didn’t go to church that were living prosperous lives. I began meeting people that not only didn’t attend church, but people that had closer relationships with God than the people that I knew that went faithfully. It wasn’t until I had a mental breakdown that I decided to allow my spiritual journey to begin freely. Since giving up the fight, this is the healthiest that it’s ever been. I too, have plenty of friends (like Kaea) and family that don’t understand it. And I’m completely okay with that.

Although I wanted to read this book as pure fiction, I simply couldn’t. I lost track of time. I allowed my imagination to roam freely in Gombe during the festival. I dreamt about maji pulsing through my veins.

I am beyond grateful for the messages I’ve received while reading this book and ordered Children of Virtue and Vengeance before I was done with Children of Blood and Bone. I look forward to the journey continuing for Zelie, Tzain and Amari now the magic is back!

I apologize if you read and assumed that this would be a regular book review. This ain’t that. This isn’t one of those books. You literally have to experience it’s magic firsthand. It’s deeper than fiction.

Read the book? Wanna discuss it? Contact me!

CORONAVIRUS, THAT SHIT IS REAL

None of us saw it coming.

I’d just driven half way across the country to start my new journey in Texas.

Happy as hell to be working 2 jobs.

On the brink of my 30th birthday.

Finally adjusting to the hustle and bustle of Austin tolls and traffic.

Enjoying all the soldier eye candy at Walmart.

Then boom.

CORONA VIRUS! THAT SHIT IS REAL!

Just when I started feeling more inner peace again. Gotten my anxiety and depression back under control.

Just as I was preparing to show Texas just how ready I was to take it on.

A whole world epidemic. Like the whole world.

Now I find myself, the social butterfly that I am, being forced to sacrifice a bit of my “extrovertedness” for the sake of humanity.

Literally.

Luckily I’ve been keeping myself informed, entertained and calm during this “new norm.”

As always, I wanted to share some ideas on a few things that you can do (mostly things I’ve been doing). Below is my suggested list of “things to do during Da Rona.”

Clean Up Those Emails

I don’t know when, why or how my inbox got up to 3,674 emails. I don’t know that many people. I don’t even conduct that much business. Since going through said emails, I’ve realized three things. One, I need to stop giving my email to the masses. The next time a store asks for my email, I HAVE to decline. Two, I need to check my emails more often. Read then delete. That way they won’t just collect. Three, remember that there is always an “unsubscribe” button or “manage my preferences” link at the bottom of the email. Use it.

Freshen Up Your Resume

COVID-19 served as a brutal reminder for many of us, our jobs aren’t secure. So, when was the last time you looked at your resume? Do you have one? If you had to explain what you do in your role, could you? There are hella resources available online to help and/or tweak your resume. Go even further. When was the last time that you looked at how much the job market is paying for your skillset? What if you find out that you’re being underpaid and overworked? What’s next?

Start/Create A Workout Routine

Umm. We may be confined to our homes but we can still go outside. You do know that the primary source of Vitamin D is the sun right? Even if it’s only for ten minutes. Breathe some fresh air. Walk to the mailbox. Jump some rope. Smell some flowers. Put your feet in some grass. Since being in the house, I decided to start walking at least a mile everyday since I’ve been snacking. Now is a good time to remember that summer body that you promised yourself.

Your 2020 Vision Board

Where the hell is it? It’s March. What’s checked off? What can be rearranged? What’s new since COVID-19 displaced your original plans? Have you decided to start a new business? Do you need to completely ditch your old vision board? Have you been inspired to create a new one? What are some habits that have hindered you thus far? How do you plan to address them?

What’s In Your Closet

When was the last time you took an inventory of your “drip?” What still has tags on it? I forced myself to toss everything that I haven’t worn within the last three months into a Plato’s Closet “sell” pile. The same goes for shoes. Purses. Hats. Scarves. Old bridesmaid dresses. All of it. I had to ask myself……do I really need all of these clothes? The answer is always no. Now everything is organized. Business in the front. Party in the back.

Learn A New Skill

Everything that you could possibly want to know is somewhere on Al Gore’s internet. There are plenty of free and paid resources online and of course my favorite go-to- YouTube University. Anything that you can imagine is likely readily accessible to you. Photography. Makeup. Basketweaving. I’m currently learning Scrum and Agile concepts to make myself more marketable. Can’t find what you’re looking for online? Ask an expert. Someone somewhere knows what you are wanting to learn. But don’t be showed if they require a fee. Be mindful that this can be considered a consultation. It’s business. Not personal.

Reflect

Ask yourself, am I living the life that I want? Am I simply living and not existing? How and when did shit go left? Sometimes we get accustomed to the hustle and bustle of everyday life and now we are forced to sit still and self-reflect. This process isn’t easy even for folks that do it intentionally. Be gentle with yourself and remember that at any moment, you can change the narrative.

Phone A Friend

Using this time to catch up with friends has proved to be super therapeutic. If you’re anything life me, you prefer video calls over phone calls and texts. Apps and services such as FaceTime, Facebook Messenger and WhatsApp are clutch when you want to connect with loved ones. I love seeing faces. I’ve taken advantage of this time to catch up without having to wear pants or leave home.

Hi….My Name Is….

Are your friends considered “essential?” Are they stuck at work and you aren’t? What better time than now to meet new people…virtually and in passing of course. Keep those 6 feet. There are plenty of people online to strike up conversations with. It’s simply a matter of being strategic about how and when to initiate the conversation. And don’t be a creep. I mean, look at how many of us showed up for “Club Rona” online!

Take A Look, It’s In A Book

Remember when you said that you wanted to read more this year? Well. What book did you choose? There’s still time. All pun intended. If you prefer to read as part of a collective, there are a ton of online communities to be actively engaged in. Now, more than ever, I’m seriously considering revamping Pretty Dope Reads Book Club to be an online platform. Oh, and don’t forget Audible. Reading is fundamental but comprehension is the goal. Can’t find a book you want to read? Write one.

Again. These are only suggestions. It is also okay to rest. To relax. To do absolutely nothing. We have always lived in uncertain times but this shit here takes the cake. My prayer is that you stay safe but most importantly sane. For those of us with anxiety and depression, this is a very vulnerable time. Try to find the silver lining in everyday. This too shall pass.

This is 30

Happy New Year to me!

30 is supposedly that pivotal age where you’re supposed to have it all figured out. I always thought that I’d be approaching 30 as a young woman thriving in the career of her dreams. With the love of my life. In a loving home. With a few rugrats running around said home.

Man. Let me tell you about 30.

As 29 was coming to a close, I did a ton of soul searching and reflecting. I’d lived in NC my entire life. I had a few “almost” attempts to leave but never actually went through with the decision.

One day, I had a purely honest moment with myself.

Rock. This ain’t it! This isn’t the life intended for you boo.

Here I was. 29. No husband. No boyfriend. No kids (well Milo). I felt STUCK. Stuck in a job that was surely leading me to an early grave. Gifts and talents that weren’t being put to good use. And degrees that were collecting dust. It was time for a change.

30 had to be different.

Today is my birthday. I gifted myself with an entire new life in Texas. I am happy. I am grateful. This is by far the most peace that I’ve had in a long time.

Everything I thought I wanted. Everything I thought I knew.

All out the window.

Despite the thought of living with my sister and brother-in-law at 30. Despite not knowing how long I’ll be here. Despite COVID-19. Despite not knowing what the future holds for myself. Or those that I love. Or you reading this blog.

30 is a reminder that at any moment, you can change the narrative of you life.

30 is a reminder that no matter how much you think you’re in control, you’re not.

30 is a reminder that 30 looks, sounds and feels different for everyone.

30 is a reminder that I’m stronger than I think and wiser than I give myself credit for.

30 is a reminder that it’s never too late for what you deserve.

This is 30. And it’s pretty fuckin lit.

If You Think You’re Lonely Now

It’s happening again.

You texted him.

You looked at the text thread.

Bubbles.

He’s responding.

Or so you thought.

And now, here it is five hours later.

Still no response.

Your mind’s wandering. What happened? You go back to reread the last message sent. Was it something you said? Grammatical error? Too long? Corny? What was it? Why hasn’t he responded yet. Why does this keep happening?

Yeah that was me a few weeks ago. Just a tad bit delirious but nothing too major right? Bothered. Freaking out.

OVER

A

DAMN

TEXT

MESSAGE.

Who? What? When? Where? How did I get to this point?

I was “worried” about a person that clearly wasn’t worried about me.

The desperation was real and I knew that the only person that could help me pull my shit together……was me.

So what did I do?

I pulled up…….to Michaels.

I walked down the bead aisle and I picked out all of the colors that caught my eye. I checked out with about $50 worth of beads and cording. I went home. I sat at my desk and decided that I didn’t want to be waiting anymore. For anyone to think about me. For a text message. For anyone to see my value.

I made bracelets and posted them online for sale and walked away from my phone. What started out as a creative outlet to get me out of my feelings revamped an old business venture that I had veered away from. Another stream of income.

In 2018, after quitting my job I started making bracelets and waist beads for money. I had a few folks that purchased them. But business wasn’t consistent enough and I eventually put my crafting talents away.

The thing is, it wasn’t the right time to pursue those talents. That’s just how the universe works.

I needed to be lonely. Desperate even. At that present moment. At that present time. To have those feelings that led me back to crafting, so that I wouldn’t be “distracted.”

Ponder upon the distractions in your life. What else could you be doing if you were focused? Could you start the business that you’ve been dreaming about? Could you read the book that’s been on the coffee table? Could you devote more time to accomplishing your goals?

I encourage you to think about those creative pursuits that you’ve set aside. Neglected. Abandoned even. Creativity is a healthy outlet and lately I’ve been finding that the more frustrated that I get with things in my life, the more creative I get.

And since the end of 2019, business for me has been booming. These bracelets, waist beads and now bookmarks have been taking me to some pretty dope places and I foresee them taking me even further in 2020.

So, if you think you’re lonely now, wait until you discover what the universe is trying to show you.

 

Trending Topic: Self-Care

“You know I’m working on my self-care”

“I took today off for a self-care day”

“I haven’t had a self-care day in a minute”

Self-care is the new trending buzzword and for once we have something that is actually beneficial. As with anything that becomes “popular” via social media, many folks are oblivious to what it entails or how to ease yourself (or dive head first) into it.

So here are a few basics.

Self-care isn’t practiced for other people. It’s for you.

Don’t let the internet trick you into thinking that you have to book solo vacations to outer space or meditation for twelve hours to practice a form of self-care. I’m a bookworm. My best self-care days are spent reading self-help books for an hour, writing while having a glass of wine or writing love notes and affirmations to myself. Sometimes my self-care allows me to focus on my physical care. At least once a month I try to do a deep cleansing face mask, getting a full body massage, having a photoshoot or getting a Brazilian wax. While these things aren’t mandatory, they are conscious choices to help me feel better about myself. FOR MYSELF.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. We’ve been tricked to believe that we can pour from an empty cups. We can’t.

I’ll admit that my self-care hasn’t always been a priority. Unfortunately, I’m one of those people that was taught to always put the needs of others before your own. Otherwise, you’re being selfish. And who wants to be around selfish people right?

As a teacher, my cup gets emptied everyday. As a matter of fact, my middle schoolers leave me with holes at the bottom of my cup on a daily. Switching from high schoolers to middle schoolers wasn’t quite the best decision that I made last year. The transition has forced me to place my self-care under a microscopic lens.

Each day I come home and burn candles. They help me to release the cares and frustrations of the day. I try to give myself thirty minutes to do nothing but sit in silence to collect myself. Some days I’m successful. Other days my mind won’t stop wandering. The main goal is to be as consistent as possible.

Last year, I decided to dedicate one full day each week to my self-care. No excuses. My day is Sunday. Every Sunday I have to say “no” to anything that I don’t genuinely want to do. If I don’t want to be around people, that’s cool. If I want to be around a large crowd, that’s cool as well just as long as it’s something that “I” want to do. Most Sundays I try to focus on my solitude. I try not to hang out unless it’s an activity that REQUIRES other people to be around such as workshops or group yoga.  I try not to check my phone or social media. Sometimes I simply stay in bed watching movies. Sometimes I sit at my desk and craft in silence for hours. Regardless of what it is, it’s what I want to do and I’m at peace while doing it. Which leads to my next point.

Self-care can be as simple as you’d like it to be.

I begin each day with gratitude. As soon as I wake up, I say “thank you” out loud. I pray that today be yesterday and set intentions for the remainder of the day. My self-care is loaded with gratitude and reflection.

The beginning of a new year is an exceptional time to re-evaluate how you view your self-care. It’s also the perfect time to start and continue practicing healthy self-care habits. Self-care should be a PRIORITY and never an OPTION.

What will you do for YOURSELF in 2020? Daily? Weekly? Monthly? Share in the comments below.

In NC? Need suggestions for businesses that promote self-care? See my list below.

Massage Therapists: https://www.facebook.com/erinthelmbt/ and https://kawellnesscenter.com

Estheticians: https://www.vagaro.com/oasison5th and https://www.facebook.com/pg/ToyMakesFaces/services/?ref=page_internal

Soy Based Candles: https://lytsoycandleco.onuniverse.com/ and https://www.etsy.com/shop/IlluminationbyIV?ref=search_shop_redirect

Dance Fitness: https://www.candaceliger.com/jahration-nation and https://www.facebook.com/groups/KILLAHMOVES/?ref=share

Yoga: https://www.soulflowerwellnessnc.com/

Personal Training: www.cwbfitness.com

2019: What the hell was that all about?

Y’all. 2019 whooped my ass.

Like I’m legit still trying to figure out why it was so rough for me.

And then I realize that I have to hold myself accountable for a majority of the things that happened. Unfortunately I’m THAT friend that’s hard headed. When I’m told that fire burns, my response is “oh yeah, lemme see for myself.” I put my hand on the stove despite the warnings, get burned and simply run cool water over the newly forming blister.

I took hella losses. Everything from finances to business opportunities to my physical, mental and spiritual health. These losses were all used to teach me lessons that I’ve been needing to grow.

Growth (n):

1. a stage in the process of growing
2. the process of growing
3. progressive development
4. expansion

BUT.

Instead of listing all of the hard headed ass lessons I learned, I’ve decided to simply sum up my biggest take aways from 2019.

Moderation is Key

Thats with everything. Eating. Drinking wine. Working out. Anything done in excess took away from the goal that I was trying to accomplish. I’ve spent the bulk of the year hyper fixating on crafting that I’d forget to eat. There was a period when I was obsessed with notebooks and spent quite a bit of my finances ordering them online. There were periods where I would obsess about how much I was spending on gas and food. The key was remembering not to go overboard. It also forced me to take inventory of the material possessions that I owned and I began a decluttering process that I still currently use. When I feel myself about to “over do it,” I kindly reel myself back in.

Be Very Specific With Prayers and Intentions

I spent the bulk of 2018 and 2019 without a prayer life. Intentionally. I felt that they weren’t being heard or honored. There was also a time where I felt like I wasn’t “doing it correctly” and decided that I should stop. Thanks to a few good folks that I can have these vulnerable conversations with, I learned much more about about prayer than I have learned in my entire life of being in church. One book that was suggested to me was The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity by Catherine Ponder. It taught me the importance of being specific in your prayers. During the year, I also learned how faithless I had become once again. I’d set intentions for things and didn’t truly believe they’d come to fruition……….until this spring when they did. There was a major “oh shit” moment when I set intentions about a particular kind of guy I wanted to date walked from off of the paper and into my life……and the new apartment….and then the new job……and then financial blessings…….and then business opportunities. My prayers and intentions are super detailed now and I’ve started seeing more of them coming to fruition. I’m also way more cautious of the things that I pray and set intentions for.

Life is Balance

Nobody wants to hear it. Hell, I don’t even wanna remind myself of it sometimes. But it’s truth. 2019 was a rollercoaster. I had to keep remembering how plants grow. They start with seeds. Seeds need good soil. Soil should be tended prior to planting the seed. They need planting. Planting requires a hole to be dug. They need watering. Watering requires water. Too many sunny days will cause a drought. They need rain. They need patience. Seeds planted don’t grow overnight. I began looking more closely at how I viewed the challenges that came into my life. I realized that I was only focusing on the negatives and not the positives. I spent most of the year bitter and angry at the circumstances (some of which I had created for myself). The moment I started changing my perspective, my life began to change for the better. I began starting and ending my days with gratitude.

I Can Choose Boundaries or Barriers

Boundaries was and still is pretty new to me. I’m not quite sure if its a Southern thing or not, but it’s rather frowned upon to decline entertaining people. Or at least that’s how I was raised. Even if you aren’t in the mood to hang out or partake in an activity, you kinda just go along with the flow so that you don’t stand out. And once you’ve been doing that for almost 30 years its a rather hard habit to break. Once I began talking people off of pedestals in my life, creating boundaries became easier. NOBODY gets a pass. Because at the end of the day, the only person I need to be fair to first and foremost is myself. I also recognized that it’s also perfectly okay to have barriers. Not everyone should have the same level of access to my time and or space.

Those That You Don’t Expect To Will

Those that you don’t expect to help you will. This summer was my first summer as a teacher. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to sign up for 12 month pay. After forcing my pride to get out of the way, I asked my friends (and of course my favorite family member) for help. Let’s just say that a ton of tears were shed and nothing got cut off or repossessed. In all honesty, my folks were WILLING to help me and reassured me that if I ever needed them, don’t hesitate to let them know. I was honored. I’m used to being the lender and never the borrower. But again, life is balance right?

Those that you don’t expect to hurt you will. Those that you don’t expect to let you down will. Those that you don’t expect to harm you will. From friends to family. I’ve learned more than I care to have learned about these relationships this year. This is why boundaries and barriers are so critical. Either way I’m grateful for the learning experience and I know what to look out for when bringing people into my life.

What were your key takeaways from 2019?

 

Dear Fall 2019 Students

This is not the end.

My intention was to create a lasting impact in your lives that was unforgettable. I hope that I have accomplished that.

You already know that I’m a writer. I am aware that many of you hate reading. I’ll keep it short I swear. Thank you for compromising as I exit stage left. Fall 2019 in my classes has been BIG LIT. ON GOD. NO CAP. I have thoroughly enjoyed our lessons and teachable moments. It has been rather difficult trying to stay on topic in class with everything going on in the world. Thank you for bringing your questions, comments and concerns into the classroom. I am honored you have trusted me to allow those conversations to be had.

Thank you to the folks that respected my 9-minute hall pass limit. And for those that didn’t, thank you for leaving the hall pass on the piano bench or under the door before you decided to skip respectfully. Thank you for those that skipped everyone else’s class except mine. I actually brag on that a lot.

Thanks for never disrespecting me (especially when I’ve seen and heard interactions with your other teachers). I’m flattered.

I hope that you never forget my words to you about power. In case you have already, here’s a reminder.

When people lack power in their personal lives, they seek it in other environments.

The classroom is no exception. Don’t let others control your power. You are NOT a puppet. Remember that adults are really just bigger and older kids.

You’ve got 4 years here (well most of you). Make them count. They’ll go by quicker than you think. The stage is inevitable if you’re doing everything within your power to get across it. The choice is yours.

Don’t allow everything that I’ve taught you fall by the wayside. I can’t wait to see you all excel in life.

You all have given me the greatest opportunity to give back and help save the world.

P.S. When I become famous I promise to remember y’all and vice versa.

 

-Your favorite teacher at RJR

Education Has Fallen- 1 Year Later

One year ago I entered the doors of education as a bright teacher with high hopes of being able to reach and teach every student that entered my classroom. Some days I’m still that educator. Other days I question whether or not I’m actually making a difference. On those days I go home, crack open of Aldi’s wine and read reflection assignments that I had my kids write about my class. I binge watch 13 Reasons Why. Lean on Me. Dangerous Minds. There are also times that I vent to my non-teacher friends and reserve the hard hitter items for my notebooks. For the first time in my life, I feel that I’m working in my purpose. I have the job that creates all the other jobs. Nurturing the future. Planting seeds of wisdom. All the cliche catch phrases associated with being a teacher. But regardless of how critical my role is, how much I pour into my kids, the moral of the story is that the education system itself is failing our kids. 

 

But you already knew that. 

 

So I’m not sure if I told you. I currently teach Principles of Business and Finance and Entrepreneurship I at the high school level. Last year I taught Essentials of College Math, Math 2 and Advanced Functions and Modeling. Do I have a degree in math? Nope. Am I good at it? Yep. They needed a teacher. I needed a job. 

 

My first semester was spent learning the ropes. High school has changed so much since 2004 when I was a freshman. It didn’t take me long to learn about the various bell schedules, faculty meetings and fire and tornado drill protocols. What I wasn’t prepared for were weekly professional learning team meetings, twenty five minute lunches (or skipped lunches) and not actually having planning periods some days. There was and still is so much more to learn and I’m finding out new information everyday.

 

Teaching math was difficult. Not because the concepts were difficult (as they are the same as when I was in high school). It wasn’t because I didn’t have the resources or support to teach it. It was because many of my kids didn’t understand basic math. It didn’t take me long to realize this and the moment that I did, I decided to have an open conversation with them. I learned that many of my kids sat in classrooms with long term subs instead of teachers during their freshman and sophomore years. My school has an extremely high turnover rate in the math department. EXTREMELY HIGH. Blame has shifted equally between student behavior, ridiculous testing expectations and poor leadership in administration. Teachers enter the classroom prepared but aren’t always supported. Students enter the classroom unfocused and undisciplined. Administration sweeps it all under the rug in desperate attempts to keep an ideal image. It’s a clusterfuck. Nevertheless, those of us that desire to still make a difference, stay. And we teach. And we cry on planning periods. And we request Total Wine gift cards for Christmas.

 

Many of my students have told me that my class has been the ONLY math class that has had a teacher for the entire semester and the only one that they have learned anything in. This was the first time that a teacher didn’t make them feel bad for not knowing certain concepts. The first math teacher that treated them like they were capable of learning. The first math teacher that cared. The first math teacher that pushed them. 

 

My methods of teaching allowed students to not only learn but allowed them to fill i the gaps. If they needed help with addition (when I asked them to attempt to not use calculators), I helped them. To my knowledge, no one felt embarrassed. They all understood that somewhere along the way, education had failed them. 

 

Many of my students also admitted that they experienced severe testing anxiety. I mean, they only have finals for almost every class. On top of the PreACT. On top of the ACT. On top of the PSAT. On top of the SAT. On top of the ASVAB. In addition to the curriculum, I found myself researching and suggesting strategies for testing anxiety. There’s so much pressure to perform high without suggesting strategies outside of “get a full night’s rest and eat a good breakfast” before these standardized tests. 

 

Speaking of standardized testing, I failed the high school math Praxis. Gladly. In all of my years, I’ve never solved math without a formula sheet. Whether it was one developed myself, or one provided by a teacher. Guess who was expected to already know/remember EVERY formula for every level of math at the high school level? I knew as soon as I hit the submit button that I had failed. I wasn’t able to recognize anything I had studied until question 26. There was nothing more that I could have done to prepare me for it. NOT A DAMN THING. And that is how I ended up teaching business classes this year. 

 

Again I’ll remind you that I don’t have a background in education. My bachelors degree is in psychology. My masters is in business administration with a concentration in project management. NOT education. 

 

The problem that I began recognizing is that many of my colleagues received degrees in education. They received the foundational blocks. The classroom strategies. The degree assured them that they would make quality teacher. The students prove them otherwise. All of that shit went out the window the first time a student challenged a strategy that they were taught. 

 

In my .5 seconds of being an educator, I can tell you that there are plenty of people leading schools (administration) and classrooms (teachers) that have NO BUSINESS BEING IN ANYBODY’S CLASSROOM. They are full of biases. Stereotypes. Racism. It’s real in the field. 

 

I have and will continue to teach my kids that when people (more specifically their seemingly adult teachers) don’t have power in their personal lives, they’ll seek to gain it outside of their home (the classroom). They take my wisdom at face value. They observe. Then we talk about it. These are such healthy and teachable moments. 

 

But.

These aren’t the conversations that fall in line with the state provided curriculum. They aren’t listed in my lesson plans (when I remember to do them). These moments are organic. Oftentimes we go from discussing technological factors that affect a business to an ethics cases in which an employee is discriminated against for wearing their natural hair. I’ve got stories for days. Everytime I share a story about my “corporate days”, they often comment “ain’t no fuckin way.” And they’re right. Those were my exact thoughts while I was in the moment. Why didn’t I speak up? My kids teach me so much about freedom and freely expressing myself everyday. I have a few students that are interested in working in corporate America. And they don’t plan on taking any bullshit from anyone. Their motivation is the dream of the six figure salary. I never tell them that it isn’t possible because it is I do ask them to consider work/life balance and their physical and mental health needs. For those interested in pursuing entrepreneurship, I kindly remind them that it’s NOT about bragging rights and just making money. It requires a ton of sacrifice.

 

Ms. Royster’s classes are lit. On god. No cap. Per my students. 

 

What they don’t see. 

 

Teaching has spiraled my anxiety and depression in and out of control. It’s forced me to confront past trauma not only for myself but to help me better assist my students. I often tell me students to take note of the advice that I give them. That way, they won’t have as much to unpack in their late twenties. 

 

The stories that my students have shared have been incredible. They have been inspirational. They’ve been terrifying. They’ve been depressing.

 

The skin I’ve had to develop is thicker than leather. It’s a necessary evil to be a teacher. 

 

I’m always encouraged NOT to take work home. But I do. I worry about my kids the moment that I see their bookbags leave my classroom door. I worry about their interactions with other teachers. With their parents and especially the police. I find myself sharing many of the funny stories about my kids. Confusing folks when I say “my kids” instead of “my students.” And always receiving “thank you for what you do, I couldn’t do it” praises from strangers. 

 

I do it because I want to. The money damn sure isn’t there. And honestly I’d take the joy of my job over the 65k I was making in corporate anyday. The joy. But the 65k would be nice as well. Teaching allows me to work in my purpose. All day. Everyday. I’ll be in education for a while. Advocating for your kids (my kids). Their kids. My future kids and their future kids. I look forward to encouraging them. Pushing them to continue to keep their heads and hearts high. Reminding them that their minds are not only a terrible thing to waste but a true ticket that can take them anywhere they want to go. 

 

But again, the education system as a whole is failing. Because kids aren’t allowed to fail. This is why they take it so personally when they fail at anything outside of the classroom. Everyone, even those undeserving receive participation points and trophies. The kids are beyond entitled. The expectations are lower than the sidewalk on the street so that everyone can reach them. It’s saddening. I can’t give a student less than a 50 in my class whether they deserve it or not. I can write a kid up and it’ll take a month before they receive consequences for their actions. 

 

Many teachers aren’t supported. Not only are we fighting and fighting for our kids, we are fighting and fighting for parents, we are also fighting our very own administrations. I think that Joe Clark set the bar too high. I thought I’d be able to vent my frustrations about things that bother me and how I’m eager to serve my students in a bigger capacity. This wasn’t the school for that. The sympathy is non-existent. The lack of support began reminding me of the shitty management that I had in corporate America. The classic passive aggressiveness. And so, as with all things in my life now, the universe decided that it was time to spread my wings elsewhere. I wasn’t looking for a new position. At the time, I was fighting for a reimbursement for a broken car window (which is another story for another day at the bar), I still went to work for my kids. An opportunity came my way and I gladly accepted. Per the journey of my life, the assignment at my current school has come to an end. My new position as a Business Information Technology teacher at the middle school level will begin after Thanksgiving break. 

 

I have mixed emotions. My experience has been bittersweet. I’ve had a mixed bunch. More good apples than bad. I had one fight in my classroom. One of the fighters cleaned up my room after the fight. Both boys apologized for disturbing the peace in my classroom! THE PEACE YALL!!! During the first semester and a half, I only wrote one kid up. He said that he walked out of the class just to see if I would because I was so nice. After I wrote him up once, I never had another issue out of him again. 

 

I’ve got more street cred than I’ve got street sense. 

 

This chapter of my life/career has been the most challenging yet rewarding but I wouldn’t change it for a thing I’m excited for what year 2 brings. Stay tuned.